It is no secret that the mind is a powerful muscle. The most powerful one we have. Our bodies can be finely tuned machines, lean and calibrated to perfection, poised and ready to dive into depths of glorious suffering. But if the mind is not in sync with the body, all of that fitness crawls away to wilt under relentless miles of body breaking terrain while soul sucking fatigue sets in sooner than we anticipate and drags down our muscles like quicksand. And when those remarkable minds of ours turn the switch off and we become shells of the selves we patiently and faithfully craft, it becomes exponentially harder to break the cycle and once more find that euphoric rhythm of our entire body working seamlessly together. So what do we do when we find ourselves in these not so minor cranial hiccups that will eventually find every rider who dares to push their body beyond the seeable horizon of limitations?
I am not a sports psychologist, a life coach, or in any formal way qualified to speak on the mental games of sport. In fact it is only in the last two years that I have begun to realize the power of the mind and the impact it has on performance. What I can speak from is practical experience derived from scraping the bottom of the well many times and somehow seeing light, usually shown by some angel unawares.
In the first 4 years of my career, I relied on my stubborn work ethic, my never say die, and the scrappiness I learned from growing up in a family of 10 to navigate the swells of professional cycling. But when I was faced with broken bones and surgery in 2023, I began my journey into the mind body realm as I searched for healing physically and mentally. This search was not limited to the time it took me to heal as I continued to face setbacks and after re entering competition, found I was no longer fighting for podium spots. And even now, over a year later, while I have had some solid results, I have also had quite a few races where I am not in contention. Although I have found joy in the sport outside of racing for the win, a big part of what I love about cycling is being in the game and exchanging blows. I love testing my body against others and sometimes, seeing that finish line first. It was and still is extremely difficult for me when I find myself playing for New York Avenue when I want Boardwalk. And so I had to work through the mental hoops my mind began creating, messy mazes that would develop in the midst of a long race as I struggled to manage the anguish of getting dropped.
I realized I needed to question my premise around the sport. Was I competing to prove myself? Did my self worth depend on where I finished? Was I less of a person, less worthy, less wonderfully creative, less loved because of how 100+ miles of racing unwound? I can say no and believe I mean it, but deep in the recesses of my mind, there was still a "yeah but if you won...". Which lead me to realize that as much as my body needs to be trained daily to reach the goals I strive for, so my mind needs the same care and attention.
The practical ways I do this are journaling daily, noting what I am grateful for and seeing the good in what I have accomplished. I seek help from others, most notably my therapist Benny Vaughn and more recently Shannon Malseed. I find glimmers of truth as I read through shared posts and experiences. I work on my rhetoric to myself, staying positive and encouraging. And as my faith is part of who I am, I spend time reading and learning about God, which gives me much needed perspective as I traverse the craigs and valleys of my life. Ultimately, I realize navigating my short time on earth is a constant challenge, but it can be a journey filled with beauty and hope. Our minds are vastly capable of expertly piloting our well tuned bodies, but just as our body requires consistent guidance, so also does our mind.
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