Vibes are high as I sit in Bristlecone Coffee Shop downtown Cedar City watching the snow fall, contemplating a 100 mile race the following morning. When I signed up for the BWR Tripel Crown, I knew it would be a challenge, but when challenges are in the distant future, they seem much more inspiring and manageable. Now thoughts of appropriate clothing, which tires, which wheels are floating through my mind due to a shortened course minus some technical sections, but still sprinkled with some significantly tricky parts. In the end, we choose what sets our mind most at ease realizing there is no one perfect set up for a gravel event, especially one like MMX twists together. And in that vein of thought, I'm learning to accept there is no perfect race, or race season. Whether an athlete stands on the coveted top step, or fights every inch for a top 20, no path is straightforward and learning to navigate the undulations of a cycling career is simply that; cycling.
photo credit Ventum Racing, post Mid South
Just as European cyclists gear up for their wild spring Classics, spending time sharpening their mind and body for the vicious racing, so I mentally prepared for a busy spring with races every weekend from March 2nd to April 28th save Easter Sunday. Maybe it is the former World Tour rider in me that craves a schedule full of opportunity. Maybe it is an optimistic side that blooms in the off season and wonders "why?!" as the races approach. Either way, I committed wholeheartedly and am determined to face each race with courage and hope. Now halfway through the slightly manic schedule, I can reflect back on March and feel some satisfaction in what I've accomplished thus far. BWR AZ was by far the most challenging for me as I was coming off a high speed crash in Spain. My confidence was shaken and a course that delighted in throwing every curve ball possible did nothing to ease my mind. It was all I could do to toe the line, but after a call up that I sheepishly accepted, there was nothing to do but do the best I could. I've also learned to laugh at myself and while I found this race anything but funny, in retrospect, it was quite comical. I cautiously rolled up and over each whoop of the initial moto section while the mountain bikers reveled in the parcours jumping whoops two at a time, and whipping their back wheels around corners while I watched in begrudging admiration. However, I persisted and eventually finished, wondering what sort of promising mood I had felt when I slated this race in my calendar.
Valley of Tears was the following weekend, a race that suits me on paper, but which I made extra challenging for myself by running straight into a traffic cone in the first 30 seconds, destroying my right shifter, rendering my rear derailleur useless. With two gears at my disposal I fought my way to the lead females much to my amazement, and at one point was off the front of the race. Ultimately I ended in third place, astounded by my many mistakes, but proud of my perseverance and encouraged by my bodies show of strength. MidSouth quickly followed, a race in which I allowed my nerves to trump any shot at the podium, but also a race in which I had no mishaps and felt strong and confident. My final race in March was Rattlesnake Gravel Grind, a local event where the community comes together to present a weekend of music, family, food and bikes. I adore these grassroots events small enough to see the folks you know, yet with enough riders to present a challenging day. The race ended up a bit more difficult than I had anticipated when a close friend and former teammate attended. A race with the current national gravel champ is sure to be spicy! After a fast start, I was dropped on a punchy hill I had looked up against with trepidation and found myself forced to face my insecurity of never being quite enough. During the 100 mile dust and wind punctuated course, I looked myself squarely in the soul and rode with all I had, accepting who I was and where that put me, while continuing my characteristic pursuit of furthering myself. Ultimately I ended up 2nd to a worthy opponent and finished my March races proud of myself, yet thirsty for more.
photo cxhairs, Valley of Tears
April will present its own adventures, varying from a snowy BWR in Utah to a Fondo boasting a monstrous course full of vertical ascent. I'd be lying if I said I didn't still feel nervousness and wonder at times why I choose to do such difficult things. Yet as humans living in a life full of luxuries, where convenience is tailored to every whim and fulfillment is presented as material gain and self centered satisfaction, I know deep down, this is not who we are. We are meant to pursue tasks that demand more of ourselves than we are certain we have. Humans contain an enormous potential both physically and mentally, and when we realize the strength found in our mind-body and the capability we each hold within ourselves, our imagination is truly the limit.
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